Rav Matisyahu

'It's not a tragedy - it's a challenge.'

Father and son arrived. R' Klonimus related his side of the story, and his son told his side. Soon, the disagreement escalated. Both parties were becoming irate. During the argument, the father began berating his son in front of the Mashgiach. The Mashgiach interjected and told R' Klonimus, "Your son is an adult. The time for chinuch of this nature has passed."

Tziporah G. once came to ask whether she should give money to a certain tzedakah as a segulah for a shidduch. "I see," the Mashgiach replied gently, "that you are being influenced by the frenzied fear out there. You can give tzedakah, but don't give it with conditions."

In general, the idea of tzedakah organizations publicizing booklets full of miraculous yeshuos that people experienced as a result of giving did not sit well with him. He would often say, "For every booklet of yeshuos, I can supply you with a fat book of complaints from people who gave money and did not see the yeshuah, and as a result their emunah was weakened."

When Mrs. Katz* came to the Mashgiach with a broken heart and tears in her eyes, he listened caringly. "I've been married for three years, but still have not been blessed with children. What can I accept upon myself that will bring me the yeshuah?" "The greatest kabbalah," the Mashgiach said, "is to accept with ahavah and with simchah that what is happening right now is the ratzon of Hashem!"

During the last period of his life when he was very sick and could barely talk or move, one of those who davened in the daily minyan in his house asked him, "Mashgiach, I want to daven for you. What should I daven for?" With great difficulty, the Mashgiach whispered, "Daven that Hashem should keep on doing for me whatever He knows is good to be done."

It quickly became clear that the Mashgiach was davening at a much faster pace than usual. Davening ended. The Mashgiach was asked why he had davened so quickly. "A person who leads the davening is a shaliach tzibbur, an emissary for the tzibbur. As such," the Mashgiach explained, "he has to be in tune with the tzibbur's needs. When I hear that the room behind me is getting quiet and most people have finished, I must also finish. A shaliach tzibbur is subservient to the tzibbur."

Mrs. Doris Rothschild apartment was located not far from one of Manhattan's bustling hospitals. When the Rebbetzin was unwell and hospitalized, the Mashgiach, together with some of his children, was hosted by the Rothschilds on various occasions. The first time, Mrs. Rothschild approached him with great deference and asked, "What hashgachah does the Mashgiach eat? I only want to give the Mashgiach things that he is comfortable eating." Smiling, the Mashgiach reassured her, "Whatever you eat, I am sure it is good for me." Later, when her own grandchildren came and began to ask her which hechsher had certified certain products she served them, she would quip, "If it was good enough for the Mashgiach, why isn't it good enough for you?!"

The indignant askanim were upset that bachurim in shidduchim were making outrageous demands such as ten years of full support, an apartment, a large sum of money monthly, a car, etc. They wanted the Mashgiach to do something. "Is this the derech haTorah?" they exclaimed. "Isn't Torah supposed to be learned mitoch hadechak, in poverty, even when one is in pain, and with mesiras nefesh? The demands of today's bachurim are in diametric contradiction to these hallowed concepts." "I want to ask you something," Rav Mattisyahu paused. "Did you make a bar mitzvah for your sons?" "Certainly," they replied. "Did you buy your son a new suit? New shoes? A new watch? Did book a nice hall for the celebration? A photographer? A band? A delicious catered meal?" When they each nodded their heads affirmatively, the Mashgiach continued, "If that is the way you make bar mitzvahs, why do you expect that the bachurim shouldn't want everything at their weddings?! He has been taught that he can have all these luxuries! Once you stop making these kinds of bar mitzvahs, I will be glad to work on changing the minds of the wider community when it comes to standards of support for kollel couples."

"Not long after we moved to Lakewood, someone bought us a very nice dining room set with a large table and many chairs. When he had the set delivered, unannounced, I took one look at it and immediately rejected it. 'I don't think the Mashgiach is going to want to keep this.' Later I asked the Mashgiach what we should do. Should we keep it? He told me, 'If you are going to worship the set, then it cannot stay in this house. But if you let the grandchildren really use it the same way we used our old dining room set in Gateshead, then you can keep it. The house is here to serve you, you are not here to serve your house.""

Rav Mattisyahu often bemoaned the amount of homework given to girls, saying that giving girls so much homework wasn't healthy for the home or the child. "For a child, the home must be like an ir miklat, a city of refuge, a place where all outside pressures don't infiltrate, where a child feels that she can just be. Not every parent is capable of doing homework with their child, and not every girl is capable of doing it on her own. When a girl feels pressure to do homework at home and when her mother feels the pressure to do the homework with her it takes away from the home's purpose of being an ir miklat."

Mrs. Eisenbach approached Rav Mattisyahu with her question, fully expecting the Mashgiach to agree that her daughter should attend the school with the hashkafos that she was more comfortable with. She was quite surprised when the Mashgiach, before she could even finish asking the shailah, asked her, "Where are her friends going?" The Mashgiach then explained, "The first prerequisite for success [in school] is for a girl to be happy and successful. A girl is happy where she is socially comfortable. You must therefore first figure out where she will be socially comfortable. I have seen repeatedly that when a girl is successful socially, she will also be successful spiritually!"

When a talmid asked him, "How do you give a child a taam and geshmak in Shabbos?" the Mashgiach's classic answer was, "You buy ice cream!"

The Mashgiach was visiting the home of a wealthy man, when the wife asked if he could perhaps farher their son. Happy to comply, the Mashgiach tested the child and wrote a nice note for the child to bring to his Rebbi. A few minutes later, she approached the Mashgiach, crying, tears clouding her eyes as she pointed to the note. "Did I do something wrong?" the Mashgiach wondered. "The Mashgiach only wrote 'tov me'od,' not 'metzuyan,"" was her reply. Later, the Mashgiach asked R' Ezriel Tauber in anguish, "How are children supposed to live up to such expectations?! Is it any wonder that some give up hope?"

"Every morning, when we recite the morning berachos, we say the berachah of 'hanosein laya'eif koach.' We praise Hashem for giving strength to one who is weary. Shouldn't we rather praise Hashem for taking away our weariness? Why does the berachah say 'He gives the weary strength'? We see from here that Hashem is telling us, You will still be weary. You will always be weary and exhausted, but out of that weariness, I will also provide you with strength!"