Light at the Beginning of the Tunnel

We are the stories we tell ourselves. Let us not unnecessarily turn them into dramas

The keys to a trait manifesting in a positive way are time, place, and degree

Another variable that is important to keep in mind when we feel triggered by our children's behavior:Many things we judge our children for have very little to do with them. Instead, they have much to do with both our projections into their futures and, for lack of a better term, rejections into our own pasts. We want matters to play out for our children a certain way, want them to take the path we wish we had for ourselves if only we had done things differently. And so, before you fight with your child, ask yourself, "Is this about me or is this about my child?"

When disappointments escalate to a tantrum, children often forget, after a few minutes, why they are so upset. And so, if we fall into the trap of trying to talk them out of being upset, positive results are unlikely to happen. Instead of reasoning with them in the heat of their distress, try simply refocusing them on something else in their immediate surroundings

When you catch your child upset/ruminating about a situation that is not currently at hand, do a simple breathing exercise or a five senses exercise to bring them into the current moment: What is the smallest sound you hear right now and the loudest sound? What is the furthest thing you see and the closest? What are some smells you can sense right now?

The biggest shift we can make to help children with their patience is to teach them to accept that they can't change a situation, but they can change themselves in the situation.

Praise should be specific and sincere. To instill grit, it is important to praise the process and not the person or outcome. For example, praise effort, strategies, and problem-solving skills.

Ms. David says it best when she writes, "Emotions pass. They are transient. There is nothing in mental experience that demands an action."

"Rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic." ~ Susan David,

"Never solve a problem from its original perspective." Charles Thompson

From a primal standpoint, we interpret everything as having to do with us as an automatic response. However, when we are able to use the "Does this really have to do with me?" reframe as part of our intentional response, we can get to a more realistic picture on what occurred

Ultimately, we are our children's safety nets - just make sure that net is not pulled so tight that it's a harness, or worse yet a straitjacket

Let your children know when you are choosing to be happy even though something has upset you

With children, expectation management can be a key component in a functioning and happy household. This applies both in terms of assessing whether expectations are realistic, but also in simply explaining what exactly they are! In other words, much of the discord often comes from parents not clearly laying out what they expect of their child in a given situation. Saying statements like, "I expect you to behave when we go to the kiddush," is too general. It's better if you describe what "behaving" looks like in that scenario

The first story we tell ourselves about a situation is usually the worst, both when we are interpreting ours and other people's actions and motives. However, when we realize this was just our rough first draft and we are allowed a rewrite, we can get in the habit of editing and then retelling the story to ourselves in a kinder light