And So It Is...

“Always limit your should-haves, would-haves, or could-haves.”

He helped me to compartmentalize the despair so that it didn’t take over. I could say, “Yes, this is real and this is hard,” while also allowing there to be space for good too. You can have the rage and the sadness with the acknowledgment that these emotions also broaden you to take in greater joy and love.

But the most important thing I told her was, “Set your boundaries. Tell everybody, ‘This is what I can do. This is what I can’t do. This is what I need.’

Even though we were discharged from the hospital, we were still a long way from full recovery. Beau was still hyper, intense, even in loving ways, and still wore diapers. Jack couldn’t really understand why his brother was so altered and was confused when he saw me unpack the diapers from his hospital bag later that day. “Jack, you know, there’s just a part of my brain where it helps with my pee and poop and it’s not back all the way yet, that’s all,” Beau explained. I sat there in disbelief. It had taken me two decades to accept the fact that I’ve needed diapers sometimes, too, for a very similar reason, and here was my ten-year-old son with neither shame nor embarrassment saying it so forthrightly. He was just accepting his current reality. Note: kids often show us the way...

you can’t accept gifts from the future until you let go of the past and fully surrender to the present.